———————————————————————————————————————–CESAR’S PALACE – DOES THAT RING A BELL? IT CERTAINLY WASN’T THE SNAKE RIVER – PARACHUTES ON ROCKETS ARE FOR SISSIES!
The most famous “ham sandwich” eater of all time, Evel Knievel, had already thoroughly chronicled the travails of the insanely stupid stunt tricks for the posterity of millions of television viewers with the indelible image of “The Rag Doll Landing.”
EVEL KNIEVEL LOOKED LIKE A RAGEDY ANDY DOLL IN HIS LANDING – THIS LANDING WAS MORE LIKE RONALD MCDONALD’S BUDDY GRIMACE TAKING CHA-CHA LESSONS UPSIDE DOWN!
If you want to know how much the landing hurt – just grab a sheet of paper and pencil and do the following mathematical calculation:
Multiply the force of Evel’s landing by a factor of ten to the tenth power.
Next, substitute one crazy red white and blue helmet and leather suit wearing Elvis impersonator for a fat kid with a “bent cup.”
Now add one hand me down baseball glove hanging from a set of mangled handlebars of Sear’s best imitation motocross bicycle.
Then, subtract one Rollie Fingers baseball card that broke away with the “rear fuselage.”
And finally, add the resultant figure to a thorny patch of “sticker plants” and a roll of a perfectly squashed package of “Rolos” in The Kid’s back pocket that ended up resembling Willy Wonka’s “Chocolate River.”
Umpa, Lumpa, Doopity Do…The Kid Solved A Riddle And Ended Up Covered In Poo!
OK, it was chewy carmel covered in chocolate, but The Kid had a hard time explaining “the skid” to his teammates and to Coach Deanda when he showed up late to practice, painfully dragging two sections of his bike before collapsing in the grass behind the backstop.