———————————————————————————————————————–THERE IS CERTAINLY ONE ADVANTAGE OF BEING CHUBBY – OK, FAT, AND IT IS ONE OF THE MOST PROMINENT IMMUTABLE LAWS OF PHYSICS – FAT KIDS CAN FLY!
The Kid made the harrowing descent of the Jacklin Road overpass with his curly locks flapping in the jet stream like the Flying Nun’s habit, oblivious to the patch of broken glass situated at the bottom of the narrow path.
By the time The Kid noticed the speckled mass of glass shards glinting in the distance, the unstoppable choo-choo express had but one choice to make – and that was to attempt a “bunny-hop” over the impending “death trap.”
They say that when faced with a life and death situation, the human body is capable of exhibiting super-human strength.
It had to be super-human strength that lifted The Kid’s bike and his massive frame over the glass – there could be no other explanation!
Gym class had always been the sad testament to The Kid’s physical shortcomings and everyone knew that he had yet to produce a single “acceptable” pushup for the former Merchant Marine of a P.E. teacher named Mr. Mills.
As The Kid performed the most perfect death-defying bunny hop at 20 miles an hour, he could hear Mr. Mills in his head saying, “Fat kids don’t belong in the air and I’ll tell you why. It’s because Mother Nature and Gravity make a ham sandwich that a fat kid won’t want to eat!”
Yet there he was – flying in the air with the greatest of ease – the amazing young man and his flying machine…
HAM SANDWHICH? – WAS THIS SOME KIND OF MUMBO JUMBO CODE FROM THE DERANGED MIND OF AN OLD P.E. TEACHER – I GOT YOUR HAM SANDWHICH MR. MILLS – I’M FLYING!
With certain doom avoided and hanging for what seemed like an eternity in the air, The Kid suddenly deciphered the “Mills Riddle” mid-flight as he realized that it was going to be landing at 20 miles an hour that was going to make him – EAT IT!